One Response to “Thank you”

1. Dietrich Fischer Says:
   May 21st, 2007 at 10:40 am

   Dear Sheila and Max, Your wedding on May 12, 2007 in Baltimore was like a dream! Everything was pleasant and went very well. Here is something I remember from Sheila’s father’s remarks at your wedding (if it is not accurate, I apologize).
   With love, Max’s Dad

   BE LIKE A PENCIL

   after Natarajan Ravendhran

   A pencil writes, but in fact it is the hand that guides it, and the mind that guides the hand. Similarly, in whatever we do, we are guided by our teachers, and by the intellectual and cultural heritage of humanity.

   A pencil needs to be sharpened from time to time. Similarly, we must periodically sharpen our skills.

   A pencil has an eraser, to correct mistakes. Similarly, we must correct our mistakes.

   The essential part of a pencil is not the wooden hull that surrounds it, but the lead core in the center. Similarly, what matters in people is not their exterior appearance, but what they carry inside themselves.

   ************

   Here are my remarks at the dinner Friday night and at the wedding:

   Dear Max and Sheila, dear guests,

   There is a saying, “Shared sorrow is half the sorrow, shared
   joy is double the joy.” I wish you, Sheila and Max, lots of joy and a minimum of sorrow in your life together.

   A young couple asked a Buddhist monk, “How can we make our love endure?” He said, “Love other things together.” Indeed, you have a “joint life project”, the concern for helping people most in need improve their health. You met while enrolled in the same masters program in public health at Columbia University, and are
   both members of Doctors for Global Health. You have volunteered for a month to give medical care to the people in New Orleans, whose lives were devastated by hurricane Katrina and by governmental neglect. You gave volunteer medical care at a children’s clinic in the Dominican Republic. Max conducted a study of the effect of pesticides on mothers’ and children’s health in El Salvador,
   leading a group of a dozen young local volunteers between 17 and 27 years of age. Sheila has been to Malawi to study the health needs of AIDS orphans, and to China to teach AIDS prevention. And before starting medical school, Max spent a year as a volunteer at a rural health clinic in Jamkhed, 8 hours bus ride east of Mumbai.

   This clinic was founded over 30 years ago by two doctors, a husband and wife team. They first worked in a hospital, but soon realized that despite seeing hundreds of patients every day and working tirelessly, they were reaching only a small fraction of the sick people in their area. So they went from village to village, giving demonstrations and lectures about hygiene, good nutrition, and preventive health care. But to their disappointment, when they returned a year later to the same villages, they found that people were clinging to their old habits and superstitions and little had changed. They did not give up, but tried still another approach,
   and it worked. They invited villages to send a representative, usually a young illiterate low-cast woman, to spend a year at their clinic. So that the men did not feel ignored, they let the village council, usually consisting of the oldest men, decide whom they wished to send. These young women could observe with their own eyes what happens if people neglect hygiene and safety precautions, or
   do not eat well. When they returned to their own villages, the villagers were eager to hear what they had learnt. They had sent them to learn something, and were curious what they had learned. Also, these health workers spoke the villagers’ own dialect, not a strange foreign dialect that distracted from the message, and they knew all the local myths and stories that they could weave in with their new knowledge, to explain things in a way that made
   sense to people. With this approach, the infant mortality dropped from 176 per 1000 to just 19 per thousand within a decade, among other improvements in health. This shows that rather than lecturing and preaching to people, it is more effective to help them discover
   new insights by themselves. This training center has been spreading
   that approach to Community-based Primary Health Care around the
   world for many years.

   Margaret Mead once said: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is
   the only thing that ever has.” I am sure, Max and Sheila, that with
   your good hearts, your brilliant minds and your dedication and
   hard work, you can help change the world for the better.

   Dear Sheila and Max, I wish you a wonderful long life together, excellent health, and many children.

   *************

   Dear Sheila and Max, dear family members and friends, 12 May 2007

   You are a wonderful couple, Sheila and Max, like made for each other. You share a common concern for helping people to improve their health, especially the poorest in the world, from Malawi and El Salvador to New Orleans. Thank you for your altruism. Such a common goal is the best basis for a lasting, loving relationship.

   The family counselor Ellen Kreider once said, “There is a basic simple secret to keeping a happy marriage: make your partner feel appreciated and comfortable in your presence.” A study has found that often the opposite is the case: people feel most relaxed when they walk with their pets, and most tense when they walk with their spouses, because pets are non-evaluative and love us unconditionally. So love each other unconditionally, like pets.

   Once Queen Victoria and her husband, Prince Albert, had a quarrel. As it sometimes happens in a marriage, one word led to another, and suddenly Albert angrily stormed out of the bedroom, went to his study, slammed the door and locked it. Queen Victoria ran after him, knocked on the door and demanded, “Open!” No answer. She pounded the door with her fist and shouted, “Open at once!!” No answer. She shouted at the top of her voice, “I am the Queen of England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland, the Empress of the entire British Commonwealth, I am the Commander-in-Chief of all the British armed forces, and I order you hereby to open this door!!!” Still no answer. Finally she said in a soft voice, “Albert, I am sorry, I love you and miss you.” Now the door opened. This shows that kindness gets better results than scolding.

   It has been said, “We are all like angels with only one wing. We can fly only by embracing each other.” So, Max and Sheila, embrace each other and together soar to the peak of your bliss. Help each other fulfill your common dream of helping all people enjoy better health and a better life. I wish you a long, healthy and happy life together, and many children.